The Day after MLK Day

I will attempt to keep this update brief...

On January 18th, I was in a loud argument with my parents at my apartment about them smothering me (so true, I get no breathing room), and somebody called the cops. As usual, even though I stayed very calm, somehow they must have looked up my medical history... then it got "interesting". I was thrown onto the ground, handcuffed with my face shoved into the ground, and when I told them the handcuffs were too tight, they made them tighter.

Then, as I cried bc I knew what was coming, four large cops tossed me (yes, tossed) into the back of a paddywagon head first and tried to slam the door on my foot. I put my foot out bc I wanted to talk things out, and they threatened to "break my fucking leg" with the door. They then shoved my leg in and slammed the door. Although there were tons of seatbelts in the back of the paddywagon, I was not belted in, and they drove down "statue" avenue, which has cobblestones and is very bumpy. I could hear them laugh from the front seat as I bumped around in the back with their every turn. I had a pretty bad panic attack during the drive from claustrophobia.

Although some nice city cops at the Hospital tried to find a way out of it, the dickish cops who roughed me up and arrested me filled out the proper paperwork, and I was TDO'ed. I cried every day about being in the hospital, because I knew I wasn't a threat to myself OR others. I just wanted to go back home. They told me I was being depressed/manic bc I shouldn't be crying that much.

Shouldn't be crying?! I was in a mental hospital with schizos and literal crazy people, with no opportunities to go outside or exercise, and my friend and love relationships crumbling all around me, and they want me NOT to cry??

I don't get it. I plan to advocate for mentally ill people with my graphic design business. Why? Because what happened to me should NEVER happen to ANYONE. It was ridiculous and unnecessary and expensive. Not to mention traumatic. I've been having horrible nightmares since getting out, and I literally CANNOT sleep at night. I get claustrophic and antsy and weird. When the sun comes up I know everythings okay and I sleep. It's horrible.

WHY does this keep happening to me? Why can't I just get arrested like everyone else? A jail cell would beat the hell out of a hospital room. It's like my whiteness prevents me from going to jail. Sounds like a silly thing to be mad about, but if I was black I'd spend one night in jail for disturbing the peace, then I'd go home in peace. Fuck the hospital. I have a pretty good case for a medical malpractice suit and an unneccessary roughness (pardon the football term) suit against the city police.

I just want a normal life. Is that so much to ask?