Hey anyone who cares to read this... still working the same job.
however, i went out on a limb and joined an internet dating site and met a guy that i really like. he's a few years younger than me, and has my exact same sense of humor. he's really into me, and vice versa, of course. things are almost too perfect, which really makes me nervous, because i haven't brought up the bpd subject. i'm going to wait as long as possible. i hate that i have to make a big unveiling out of it. i always feel like i'm hiding something, but its not like i can go on the first date and say "hi, i'm sunny, i'm bipolar. still wanna date me?"
blah. anywho i'm keeping this short because i went out tonight and honestly i'm a little drunk. the guy i'm seeing is working all night so i went out with guy friends, but since its the holidays there were a few people out tonight that i reeeeally would have preferred to have not seen. meaning people i had serious problems with when i was manic last year. people i was very cool with before the mania; before shit hit the fan with my life. i was happy when they moved outta town for work. however, since its the holidays, of course they had to visit! joy.
blah. the two guys i'm referring to were both nice to me and hugged me when they saw me, but i could definitely sense some hesitation and fakeness. blah. why did last year have to happen? it kills me. i could see them measuring me up... trying to gauge how "sane" i am now.
really awkward. no good. speaking of awkward, i had a car accident and for the past 2 months i have entrusted my vehicle with my exboyfriend, who is a mechanic. we are friends now, which is great, but there is often the awkward moment where he says something that crosses that "friend line". for instance he made fun of me for being late or something when i called him today to ask if my car was ready... and at some point he said "thats why i love you"... half-joking. who am i kidding? it was more than half joking. but the only response i could come up with was some goofy giggle. i mean, yeah, i love him, but in a caring way, an almost family way. and as happy as i am that we're friends now, i get a sense that he sees our friendship as a process of getting close to me again, and being with me again.
i haven't told him i have a new boyfriend. i don't know how thats going to sit with him. honestly, i think it will crush him. ugh i wish i could be one of those girls that does what she wants and doesn't worry about hurting boys. you know, one of those girls that has no problem with playing games. unfortunately, i'm not. i have a conscience, and if i feel like i've used a guy i feel guilty forever.
blah. i'm really sorry for the stream of consciousness nature of this post, and of course the lack of proper capitalization and punctuation. what can i say? its 2 am on a saturday night/sunday morning.
anywho. time marches on. wish me luck!
oh yeah, bonus. i lost 10 pounds! not sure how, but grateful anyhow. happy new year.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Well if you are drunk, i'm surprised your spelling is perfect. lol.
Who says you need to tell your ex about your current boyfriend. He's just a friend now and he doesn't need a play-by-play of your life. Same with the current bf. No need to spill the beans with the whole beeper thing for now. I'd wait a bit, and then before telling him, casually ask him his history like in a funny way if he has anyone in his family with a disability be it, mental or physical. That gives you the opportunity to feel him out about how he feels about such things, and him the opportunity to be honest about a subject without having fear of what you will think because you are so personally involved.
I dunno, just my opinion.
Congrats on the weight loss btw!
good blog here....I was once diagnosed with MD, though i was actually more schizophrenic, but I have beaten it...check out my own blog for some good help and advice...I'm an English writer..
www.theserotoningrandprix.blogspot.com
Post a Comment